I woke early, prayed, said good morning to my husband And thanked God for the day. I slipped my feet into Angelo’s shoes, then placed my hands inside his gloves- “how beautiful are the feet that bring good news.”
Out in the Vineyard a covey of quail sang in flight, three bunnies hopped away, a hare popped by and a robin and a blue bird came and said good morning. Heaven's provision of peace for the day.
One rose bud was stretching, growing, reaching up high. It’s lengthy stem piercing through the emptiness toward the light. Today, beyond the emptiness, the bud finds itself all nestled safe, surrounded by the other rose buds and their leaves.
My prayer for these innocent survivors to find safety beyond the emptiness somewhere up higher.
As I readied myself for the day I contemplated the destruction Narcissists commit against others, remorseless their consciences seared. How difficult, almost unfathomable for those of us with a conscience to comprehend their ways. How absolutely necessary boundaries and accountability are for mental health and physical safety and the responsibility we have to protect every child.
Speaking the truth is necessary. Advocating for victims of abuse is necessary. Exposing the darkness is necessary.
I listened to the rest of the innocent victim’s testimony. I am still grieved to hear of her abuse in detail, and so proud of her for telling the truth, as painful as it must be. “ I was accused of something similar, so I have to give her the benefit of the doubt”-is all the pastor offered her years ago, after hearing her story of grooming and abuse.
I’m nauseous. He ate at our table. He drank our wine with no understanding of the value of what he took.
Communion, the life and blood Christ poured out. The winemaker comprehends the magnitude.
His words stole time never to be repaid, from her, from me, from my family. Years of opportunity to repent, our God is long-suffering and slow to anger AND justice and mercy are his.
She wore Royal Blue, beautiful and fitting. Our path’s divinely crossed when she had finished, and she let me give her a hug, a priceless privilege I know not the measure of.
The courtroom emptied- Save a handful requested to stay. The newspaper reporter took in the honor and respect of the community support as Jane Doe would not be subjected to public humiliation on their part.
The defense attorney was ruthless, his strategy to make anyone else guilty and his client, a serial pedophile perpetrator, innocent. The jury was not fooled by the deception. The torture to every soul was palpable as the jury sat through the retraumatizing of one of the bravest souls I know.
I was numb when I left. A trusted friend hugged me for Angelo for a long time- and was just quiet while I cried. Why is it taking so long? Why didn’t anyone listen? Why isn’t she already in jail? Why does she choose deception and darkness over freedom?
Jane Doe came out looking free and victorious. That beautiful freedom that comes from one's voice no longer being silenced, from the truth piercing bright through the evil darkness that was surrounding her. Goodness and righteousness was palpable, as she quickly hugged friends and family and left with her husband.
Written: Friday August 28,2020
To you, Lord, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent, will be like those who go down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place.
Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts.
Repay them for their deeds and for their evil work; repay them for what their hands have done and bring back on them what they deserve.
Because they have no regard for the deeds of the Lord and what his hands have done, he will tear them down and never build them up again.
Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.
Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever
Saturday- I wake and weep. A week of testimonies- a week of law, of questions and memories, of objections sustained and overruled, a week of truth and pain, a week of wondering and waiting.
A week of innocence blooming.
A week of tender, fragrant tears.
What will you do with all this Lord?
You know the truth in every heart.
Abundance of fruit suddenly so much is ripe and ready this morning.
Angelo, your plumbline of integrity, gentleness, honesty, mercy and compassion ever before my heart suspended from the Heavens. How grateful I am for your goodness.
I will make justice the measuring line and righteousness the plumb line. Isaiah 28:17
The way of peace they do not know; there is no justice in their paths. They have turned them into crooked roads; no one who walks along them will know peace. So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows. So justice is driven back, and righteousness stands at a distance; truth has stumbled in the streets, honesty cannot enter. Truth is nowhere to be found, and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey. The Lord looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene;
from Isaiah 59