One Month Two Stars

There’s a space in the night

before waking

where the truth of eternity waits.

It’s a moment,

a split second between sleep and dreaming

that I grasp,

because in it, you are here.

In that moment there’s no pain,

in that moment my mind is at peace

in that moment you are here.

The searing truth

I will winter without you rises a storm in my soul

I wake with the scream of anger muffled in my mother’s heart

Where do I run to?

You are everywhere and nowhere to be found.

Two stars in the sky one bright and one dim.

The longing of your safe embrace.

In my desperate heart I will them to move together. With all my might

With all my might

I try

The lazy moon is far off

The sun is yet to rise

Two stars are longing.

Logic knows the stars can’t move

but my heart

oh my heart tries .

What is there to be thankful for today?

What for?

Gray clouds begin to blush on the horizon,

reflecting every sunset spent with you,

begging me to shift my thoughts .

Only one star,

barely visible in the sky now

It’s ready

It’s ready

getting ready to say good day- until the night.

Time is telling me,

reminding me,

crying out,

are you thankful?

Metal and wood fly from my hands in anger

This tormented world is too much for your sweet beautiful soul

You truly gave me heaven here on earth

Beauty, patience, gentleness and faithfulness

Countless keys to heaven in my heart

Dear God, In the agony of losing one so dear to me Redemption is so clear now The depth of your love unveiled I’m forever grateful

This morning I woke in the dark, ran outside and lamented for hours, arranged flowers and wrote my journal, trying to undrown my heart in the process. Today, one month, was full of weeping. I had inadvertently scheduled a massage, a gift from a dear friend, unaware of the significance of this day.

When I laid down on the table ready to relax for an hour, her random playlist began with Canon in D.

Oh the agony of remembering the walk down the aisle in my heart without you here.

How foolish to have not remembered with you this last anniversary.

A flood of sorrow as she massaged my aching heart and I try to breathe and almost couldn’t.

The music changed and somehow I recover my breath.

When it was time to turn over "Time to Say Goodbye" randomly begins to play. I wept from the depth of my being, remembering so many times we listened to that song.

The memory of you singing it makes me happy for a split second, but the truth is overwhelming. BocelliIs sang us through our marriage. His career took off when I marriage started, His music played over our babies, our weekends, our drives.

When I looked back at pictures of this anniversary date in our history, it was one year ago that you took me to see him.

Such a special date. The drive with you there was lovely, just being together visiting. We talked to our friends a little on the way, excited to share our anticipation. We considered heading this way again for a winery outing. You had chosen a charming restaurant to take me to and were careful about finding parking where I didn't have to walk too far.

The atmosphere was stunning, the meal delicious, and the sprint to the concert and adventure. We were both so excited to be there.

The performance was beyond what we anticipated. The visuals and the sound were exceptional. The date with you was so amazing. That late night drive back, I felt safe and content. You, always taking care of me, loving me. You recently asked if I wanted to go again. I’m realizing now, how you wanted to repeat for us what you knew was good. I’m so grateful that you took me. I’m so grateful we shared one of our favorite artists and his most meaningful music together that night. I love you forever