Back To School; Life is Learning

[]() A lucky couple…., I watched them wander as I walked to class. The first week and I have already learned so much. I am taking statistics, speech, and ethnic studies.

I was pleasantly surprised to find I remember algebra, was reminded enthusiasm and flexibility can set the stage for a positive experience, and I have learned (from the course introduction) that many people taking a course in social sciences have yet to learn that individual opinions do not hold as much weight or validity as academic scholarly research and study.

This is a common misconception in life. I have been baffled by interactions this past year until I read this in the text. A student who would not argue about the new information learned through confirmed research in a hard science, say astronomy, will think it is perfectly acceptable to argue and resist what they have yet to learn in a soft science, such as sociology, ethics or ethnic studies. People confuse their preconceived notions and their lack of or limited knowledge with which they form their opinions to be equal with actual scholarly research. It’s a thing.

Learning, it’s a thing, helped me understand the conversations I have had with people who think I am sharing my opinion because that is what they are doing. In actuality, I am sharing months of intent study and research of expert historians, attorneys, humanitarians, journalists, and advocates.

Students in ethnic studies often pushback, argue, and reject factual research because the new information is different from the world view they hold. So do people in everyday life. It takes a willingness to wrestle with one’s own opinions, beliefs and understandings, a willingness to listen and learn, and a willingness to have courage in the face of fear. It is truly scary to challenge one’s own understanding of the world no matter what age one is.

“Social justice courses address emotional, and political issues and can be upsetting” stated the text. Many students are examining for the first time the reality of inequality, racism, sexism, and colonialism. If they believe themselves to be generally good people and have a positive framework of the world, oftentimes they will become defensive, get stuck in cognitive dissonance, feel guilt, shame, and grief over this new information.

Reading this in black and white, once again helped me understand the baffling response of so many people to the current genocide being committed on Palestinians. We are all students in life. We all could respond this way. And we have a choice.

Interestingly, these responses are the same responses which Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote about in the five stages of grief. She studied only the terminally ill and found they all experienced these stages, though not in any particular order: Denial, bargaining, anger, sadness or depression and acceptance. Contemplating applying this grief research to people learning about social injustice is quite interesting. Ross’s research was specific to those who were dying, not to the grievers left behind. These stages have been woefully and harmfully misapplied to grievers. Being challenged with realities that do not support a worldview that one has depended upon, is coming to terms with the death of some of those beliefs and seems to be an accurate application of the stages of grief.

Let me explain.

Leaning into the time that some might have mislabeled as denial, my brain was in shock and my heart was shattered. My whole being was waiting for my beloved to return, mind, body and soul. I understood the reality, and I refused to disconnect and “let go” from my beloved as Western culture demands. Continued bonds, or connection to the deceased is practiced worldwide. Love stays connected. Love does not die. This is in no way denial of the physical reality, mislabeling it as such is uniformed and harmful.

Denial regarding a worldview being challenged is to refuse to see reality, refuse to listen to truth and to learn accurate history, even to the point of mocking or sarcasm. It is not loving to oneself or others. It is a stagnant place of false security, disconnection and willful ignorance.

The next stage:

Bargaining was a strange concept for me to grasp. It took years for me to finally see how my mind had consistently tried to rewrite what had happened, to undo it at any cost, as if I had that power. This agonizing cycle was fed by systematic conditioned toxic shame. That horrific "should have, could have" narative that too many peole shame others with. Education and therapy were key to understanding and overcoming this.

Bargaining with a worldview involves continued denial of reality and a refusal to learn what needs to change. Excusing horrific atrocities because a person or system did some good things is a type of bargaining, as is holding beliefs so tight, one refuses to see the systemic harm and abuse which one is a part of . It is important to note, it is a narcissist's tactic used to evade responsiblity. Bargaining comforts the individual at the expense of those harmed.

The next stage is Anger.

The deception of the Western grief narrative of “moving on, letting go and being strong”, which were expected of me, was what sparked my anger. The denial, erasure and false interpretation of my and other grievers lived experience was infuriating. I felt anger that my natural, justified experience of feeling anger had been defined as shameful and sinful, and anger at the cruelty and oppression of this false sin narative which evenso led to more clarity of what is true.

Anger when wrestling with a worldview could be in response to the personal accountability, change and growth it requires. This is an opportunity for self reflection and maturity, not a time for a tantrum. Anger toward being manipulated by misinformation, propaganda and neglect of information is an appropriate reaction. Anger can be a catalyst for finding truth, protecting the vulnerable and implementing justice. Anger can be a powerful tool when directed with integrity.

Next comes sadness.

Sadness and grief are simply normal human responses to being separated from one’s beloved. Being happy all the time is not being human. Compassionate sharing of feelings with another in a meaningful way is the most human response to grief. Misunderstanding, silencing and denial of the reality of grief provokes a different level of sadness. It is the opposite of compassion, namely it is apathy.

If the examination through research of a worldview provokes sadness it’s important to feel and consider why?

Grief over things that need to change is still real. Cultural appropriation invokes sadness because it lacks justice or purposeful action. Grief over what one percieved as "good" but is revealed as not good, or even evil, is a valid appropriate response. It's painful and meeds to be processed, not ignored.

Lastly, Acceptance. I hated that word. It made me think I had to agree that it was OK. That all the pain and the suffering and the separation was OK. That I was to affirm the western world’s ridiculous explanation of my grief as accurate and acceptable, or a goal post to aim for. One cannot accept deception and falsehood and keep ones integrity.

The concept of acceptance was me wrestling with a worldview and framework that was undeniably inaccurate to my reality. It was me defining what was true and what was false. Validating my lived reality, my own history and accurate world history gave clarity and an honest approach to acceptance .

Acceptance is only present in truth.

Dissociation and disillusion masquerade as acceptance in any false narrative which denies the reality of here and now.

Accepting the unacceptable is an inhuman expectation. Accepting a lie to be truth is insane.

Dishonest narratives, silencing of histories, and atrocities swept under the rug, are all challenges, starting points for truth, justice and compassion.

This is growth. As painful as the truth is, it demands our attention if we are to be compassionate, moral and just human beings.

Everyday we are given the opportunity to learn, to grow, to find connection and to love. May those in my sphere fully embrace the process.