Nine Rhymes with Fine

Each “anniversary “, each month, though I determine not to, my heart, mind and soul process the days.

Writing and art happen, I watch and listen to God's creation, weeping and exhaustion are constant, while a deep longing and loving and life continues. Mostly I feel like I’m almost waking from a dream.

And while I write and paint and look

in this month of nine

I listen

And hear

The chimes

And feel

His heart

Morning, a helicopter flew directly over our home. I prayed for the pilot and passengers as I always do. Thought of your last ride being through the sky I listened to it’s pulsating heart

Crying, I stood thoughtful and all Alone

As I followed its flight and thought of you

Never to be answered

WHY

We must now love apart

2/10/2021

Nine months since he fell

Since I slept in a cell

A room was gifted

Our spirits to be lifted

Yet sleepless we tossed

Crying and lost

As you lay in the night

And nothing was right

But the pain in the prison

As safety was given

Our children surrounded me

While I fought off insanity

Waiting to see you

And hope this is untrue

2/11/2021

The number Nine

rhymes

with just fine

which is what the lady on the other side of the line

wanted to hear from me when she asked,

“How are you doing?”

Instead

I stammered and choked my reply

it’s been nine

months.

She was calling once again about billing,

Why do I feel like I have to comfort her?

What a sad job to have to call people

whose loved ones have died

and ask for them to finish their paperwork.

Still

Thankfully

She was kind.

I assured her I’d make the phone calls

she wanted me to make after we got off the phone.

And I did.

But I couldn’t finish the rest

I was unable to do the follow up

all I could do was cry.

I baked bread and made soup and fed my children and

With my children

I did dine

In this month whose number is nine.

2/11/2021

Sometimes I wake slowly and purpose to keep my eyes closed.

I painted a vine and drank your wine and I wrote to you My Valentine

2/13/2021

One Million Tears

I woke to my world a cloud, surrounded by gray

Embraced by misty mourning which came to spend the day

One million thorns held one million tears

Heaven watching over all my fears

Reminding me that I am not alone

In my grief I am still God’s own

~

Concurring the sky weeps heavily

Diamonds from its treasury

My soul is not to be foolishly tricked

While my heart is so deeply pricked

To believe the victor is this earthly pain

Instead I trust the promise true

In paradise forever I will be with you

~

Through stormy days and sleepless nights

I’ll search for ways to shine your light

Because of your loyal selfless love

I will live fully here while you wait above.

(The chimes rang as I finished this poem just after midnight) 2/15/2021